Connecting with loved one with dementia in a memory care center can be difficult. There is often frustration and a sense of helplessness on both sides, especially if the person with dementia seems to be living in the past or is confused or repeatedly demands to go home. But these strategies can help.
“I want to go home.”
When families hear a loved one in a memory care center say that they want to go home, their immediate response may be, “You can’t.” This can cause distress and arguing. Instead, families should try to be effective, active listeners by being patient and giving the person with dementia plenty of time to talk. It also helps to really listen to what is being said, paying close attention to the emotion behind the words. Does Dad believe he is in his childhood home because his current reality is rooted in the past? Is Mom confused and doesn’t recognize her surroundings as home? Consider if the person with dementia is seeking to fill an unmet need, such as comfort from anxiety, depression or loneliness.
The Alzheimer’s Society offers these 5 tips for helping individuals in a memory care center who says they want to go home:
- Avoid arguing about whether they are already home.
- Reassure them of their safety.
- Try diverting the conversation.
- Establish whether they are feeling unhappy or lonely.
- Keep a log of when they are asking to go home.
Managing confusion
Residents in a memory care center may experience confusion and may not recognize familiar environments, people or objects. This is common in the later stages of Alzheimer’s disease. It may worsen if family members are distracted or are busy doing other things while visiting with the person with dementia. Focusing on the loved one, speaking slowly in a clear voice and sharing positive news and memories can help make visits more successful. For more ways to have successful visits with a loved one in a memory care center, Country Meadows offers these tips.
Time-shifting
People with dementia may experience time-shifting where their reality is in the past, not the present. For example, they may attempt to follow the routine they did when they were employed or may not recognize a son and think he is a brother. This can occur when older memories fill in for short-term memory loss. It is best not to argue or contradict their reality. Individuals with dementia aren’t willfully refusing to accept the present; dementia causes brain damage that can cause this time-shifting. Understand that the memories they are reliving may actually be expressing an unmet need. Empathy and a calm demeanor are as important for making connections with a person with dementia as the words spoken. Find out more in our Meaningful Moments tip sheet.
Validation therapy and dementia
The Validation Method is a technique used to help family and caregivers develop a rich relationship with a person with dementia through active listening, careful questioning and empathy. At Country Meadows, our Connections Memory Support Services staff is trained in the Validation Method because we find it helps people with dementia fully express their concerns and frustrations, reducing anxiety and encouraging them to connect with others. Find out more about this successful technique.
More helpful resources from our memory care center
From Caregiver Networks open to the public to our guide to children’s books about dementia, Country Meadows is here to help seniors and their families with dementia. Our Resource Center has a wealth of free information and tips, no email required. And for residents with dementia, our comprehensive memory care features innovative tools like the Tover Table alongside proven techniques like the Validation Method, all in a safe and secure environment.
Country Meadows offers individualized memory support services in Pennsylvania and Frederick, Md. Our all-rental senior living communities offer a range of floor plans and pricing options to choose from. We invite you to schedule a personal visit or contact us to learn more. Ask about our available trial stay options, too. We’re here to help!
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